Kinda boring

Nothing's really happened recently. But maybe that's a good thing. I've been more depressed though. And I've had to help my grandma alot too. I'm writing but, that's about it I guess. 

I feel cursed.

I feel so doomed in this body.

I'm not normal and I wish I was. 

I wish I didn't have to prove myself

And that I already had the things I

Wanted without haven't to pay 12

Mortgages to get somewhere and

Even with that, I know I still won't

Feel good because I know what I am

Still. No matter what I do, it'll never

Be the same as the real thing. As being

Born as a real boy. 

I hate whatever i thought this was. Fuck this

I don't like you. You should die

In a hole. If they found out how 

Disgusting you are, how would 

You feel? Ashamed? Im talking 

To you Nonoko. You know who 

You really are and how you truly 

Feel. When will you be happy?

This is bullshit. Wanting death is 

Too much to ask for. Die in a hole

Die in a hole!!!! 

It's dark in here

I wanna make poems. 

This isn't a poem. 

I feel so stupid trying

To be all creative and 

Different. That candy

Bowl post? Stupid. 

Spacing out my words

So it looks interesting.

Stupid stupid. I'm not

Creative in the slightest! 

Just look like a dumb

Loser. Typing at 4 am.

Box as tall as me!!

My computer came today. 

It's really big and the box was

Huge!! I could fit in it. Really 

Excited. Just waiting for my 

Webcam and sspeakers. 

Today was okay, my grandma didn't

Apologize, just acted like it didn't

Happen. I hate that. But, today was 

Gloomy and cold. I don't know

Where my mom is. she didn't

Answer my calls. We'll see when

I wake up. 

I say what i want!!

Hello. It's me. I'm here. Nothing's really happened until tonight. 

It's really late. I bought a lot of stuff online today. And I'm getting a new computer. Yeaaaa nice man. My grandma made me upset earlier. She accused me of stuff and laughed at me when I tried to explain and defend myself and she made me cry and yelled at me. I don't know what to do. Avoiding her and not talking to her somehow doesn't fix it. Accusing me of stuff she doesn't remember. I was crying so hard my legs shook violently. I wish I could go home, so she wouldn't have to see me again. 

The summer must begone!

You're really nice. 

You say nice things. 

You look really nice. 

I wish I didn't hate

Myself so much so

I could take your 

Compliments but, 

You understand and

That's all that matters. 

Maybe one day I'll get

Better. And love my 

Body as much as you 

Love it. I hate looking

At the mirror to see

A misshapened blob

Looking back. One

Day.