Kinda boring

Nothing's really happened recently. But maybe that's a good thing. I've been more depressed and having issues with my body more recently though. And I've had to help my grandma alot though. I'm writing some fics but, that's about it I guess. 

I feel cursed.

I feel so doomed in this body.

I'm not normal and I wish I was. 

I wish I didn't have to prove myself

And that I already had the things I

Wanted without haven't to pay 12

Mortgages to get somewhere and

Even with that, I know I still won't

Feel good because I know what I am

Still. No matter what I do, it'll never

Be the same as the real thing. As being

Born as a real boy. 

I hate whatever i thought this was. Fuck this

 I don't like you. You should die in a hole. If they found out how Disgusting you are, how would you feel? Ashamed? Yea I bet. Im talking to you, Nonoko. Of course. You know who you really are and how you truly feel. How much you want to rip your skin off. What you wish you were. I hate that we feel this way. When will we love ourselves. "Never." I see. This life is hell. True living hell. Wanting to die is too much to ask for. 

Mymind is empty

Funny thing is

I didn't go to my

Cousins house. 

Because I don't

Look presentable

Hair wise. I'm so

Stupid. Maybe I'll

See them in the next

12 fucking years. 

Today is okay. I guess. 

God I'm boring

My life's pretty boring but

I guess that's okay. I'm going

To my cousin's house on Friday. 

Their mom wanted to pick me up

So I'm going. I don't see my family

Very often but, I think this'll be nice. 

And, I have to clean. That's about it. 

It's dark in here

I wanna make poems. 

This isn't a poem. 

I feel so stupid trying

To be all creative and 

Different. That candy

Bowl post? Stupid. 

Spacing out my words

So it looks interesting.

Stupid stupid. I'm not

Creative in the slightest! 

Just look like a dumb

Loser. Typing at 4 am.

Box as tall as me!!

My computer came in today. 

It's really big and the box was

Huge!! I coule fit in it. I'm gonna

Make videos soon. Really excited.

Just waiting for my webcam and 

My speakers to come and things 

Will be good on that end. I ordered

Some clothes so I can't wait for those

To come too. I love buying things.

Today was okay, my grandma didn't

Apologize, just acted like it didn't

Happen. I hate that. But, today was 

Gloomy and cold (yayyy). I don't know

Where my mom is though, she didn't

Answer my calls. Well, we'll see when

I wake up. 

I say what i want!!

Hello. It's me. I'm here. Nothing's really happened until tonight. 

It's really late. I bought a lot of stuff online today. And I'm getting a new computer. Yeaaaa nice man. My grandma made me upset earlier. She accused me of stuff and laughed at me when I tried to explain and defend myself and she made me cry and yelled at me. I don't know what to do. Avoiding her and not talking to her somehow doesn't fix it. Accusing me of stuff she doesn't remember. I was crying so hard my legs shook violently. I wish I could go home, so she wouldn't have to see me again. 

The summer must begone!

You're really nice. 

You say nice things. 

You look really nice. 

I wish I didn't hate

Myself so much so

I could take your 

Compliments but, 

You understand and

That's all that matters. 

Maybe one day I'll get

Better. And love my 

Body as much as you 

Love it. I hate looking

At the mirror to see

A misshapened blob

Looking back. One

Day.